God Whispers

News spreads fast, and good news, I have found, even faster. By now most everyone has heard that the chemo is working, and all those days of nausea, fatigue, lethargy, and bone aches have been worth it. My tumor has been reduced by 80%. Heyward and I meet with my primary breast Doc on Tuesday, so I don’t know if this is normal or extraordinary. I like to think it is the healing hands of God, and everyone’s prayers and that they are truly exceptional results. But something happened that now in foresight (or is it hindsight?), I guess I should have shared with everyone before hand, to show the faith that I have that I will be healed. We all have at one time experienced de-ju-vu, or intuition, or what ever you want to call it. I am now going to start calling these “visions” God whispers. God whispers have come to me over the years, gosh, last year I did have a dream that I was looking at myself in a mirror, and a bald me was looking back. (but I also have had dreams where a 300 pound Tammy with no teeth has looked back at me too!) I really didn’t think anything about it. These dreams or visions have come and gone through the years, and when they have come to light, I laugh, and say, Gosh, I knew this already; God was trying to give me a heads up and prepare me. A goal of mine is to try and listen to these whispers more often and act on them. Anyway, the MRI is not the most pleasant experience; you lie on your stomach, and drop the “girls” into holes where they are then pressed flat to accommodate the images to be taken. An IV is also placed in your arm the entire time. You are then slid into the mouth of a spaceship - donut, with earplugs because sounds the machine makes is deafening. The room temperature is kept bone chilling for the machines sake. The nurses cover you with a warm blanket in the effort to keep you from freezing. So I am in this state of uncomfort, trying not to have a panic attack, the girls are in vice grips and I am told not to move (not a problem!), so I start saying the Lords prayer to calm me. In the middle of this I hear (and remember I have earplugs on) whispered to me, 80%. Throughout the rest of the day, it is implanted in my head 80%. We are told that it is a 24-hour wait to get the images read. The next day we do not hear from the imaging office. Heyward is on pins and needles, but I am calm, because I know it is going to be at 80%, but I fail to share this with anyone. Why? Because my human frailties take over and I am a little frightened to acknowledge that such an awesome thought has been sent to me. The devil did send me a few nay Sayers, but I turned them away assuring them that I had no doubt that good news awaited us. My wig and I are at work when Heyward called, the Doc has finally got in touch with him and announced an 80% reduction! I started crying, the girls at work started crying, I am crying now as I type this. Confirmation of my God whisper. I will listen to these whispers, and believe .